Creeper
by Kimberly-A
Summary: Dan and Phil meet for the first time in 2009
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:** This fic was inspired by the "AmazingDan" video (even though that was shot in 2010), because Dan seems so easily embarrassed, and yet so saucy at the same time. Specifically, his face when Phil says, "Penis, Dan. Penis penis penis." He seems like this intriguing blend of provocative and innocent. Most fics about 2009 phan are from Dan's POV, and I tried to think what it must have been like from Phil's perspective.

* * *

 **Manchester Piccadilly to Starbucks**

Phil hunches his shoulders a bit, not exactly hiding behind a pillar but just standing … really close to a pillar. And maybe a little behind it. Just a bit. But definitely not hiding. Definitely not hiding like some creeper waiting to meet up with a teenage boy he met on the Internet.

He's never done this before, actually arranging to meet one of his subscribers in real life. Dan has become more than just a subscriber to him over the past few months, of course, but he can't deny that the … relationship? friendship? … began with Dan stalking his videos and hounding him on Twitter like so many other subscribers had done before. Phil's had plenty of admirers as his subscriber base grew over the years, and a lot of them flirted with him, some outright propositioned him, but he was never tempted to take any of them up on their offers.

It's just … Dan is … different.

But Phil can't deny the power imbalance. He knows he's a well-known personality, even if only in a limited little sphere of the Internet. His YouTube channel has thousands of subscribers. **Tens** of thousands. He gets fan mail. Lots of it. Weird as it sounds to him sometimes, he has … fans.

And Dan is one of them.

And he's only 18.

And Phil, AmazingPhil from the Internet, has invited this teenage fan to come stay at his house. Overnight. For three days. While his parents are away.

Yeah, it sounds creepy. Which makes him incredibly self-conscious. What in the world do Dan's parents think about this? Phil hasn't asked, because he doesn't want to mess this up.

Because, despite the power imbalance, he's really excited and nervous to meet Dan.

Because while he may be YouTube's AmazingPhil, Dan is just … amazing. Their Skype calls have gotten flirtier and flirtier these past few weeks. Dan has always been a tease, right from the start. He knows how gorgeous he is, and he purposely posts selfies with his neck arched just so, his eyelids lowered as if he's just begging for someone to grab him by the hips and…

But he's 18. Phil keeps reminding himself of that. Okay, so maybe some of their Skype calls have gotten a bit racy, maybe Dan has been a bit provocative, maybe they've talked a bit about things that could happen this weekend, but Phil doesn't want to push him.

After all, Dan may decide that Phil Lester isn't as exciting as AmazingPhil. He might not be so interested when he sees Phil without a camera lens between them.

And that's what's making him most nervous, because he really tried not to get emotionally invested in this whole thing with Dan, but somehow it happened anyway. Somewhere along the way, he started really liking this smart, brash, outspoken, sarcastic, funny kid. They haven't even met yet, and Phil just desperately wants Dan to like him. He wants Dan to step off the train and see him and smile and for everything to be just as comfortable as it is on Skype, for them to just fall together like that's where they belong. He wants Dan to belong to him, and to **want** to belong to him. And he wants to belong to Dan, too. He wants Dan to want him, to want them to be together. And he's desperately afraid that Dan is going to change his mind when he finally meets the real Phil Lester in the train station.

He's got a crush, he realizes. He's 22 years old, and he has a crush on this boy.

Dan's train begins pulling into the station and sets Phil's heart rate racing. It's pulling to a stop. The doors are opening. People are beginning to stream out onto the platform. One of them is going to be Dan.

Phil steels his nerve and takes a step away from his protective pillar, making himself a bit more visible. He wore one of his brightest, most colorful shirts so that he would be easy to spot in a crowd. He chews on his lip, eyes flitting anxiously across the faces around him. His fingers tangle nervously into the hem of his shirt, twisting and pulling at the fabric.

And then suddenly Dan is there, standing right in front of him, a messenger bag slung across his body and a duffle bag in one hand. His hair isn't quite as dark as Phil had thought it would be—it has light brown highlights visible in the sun streaming through the train station windows. His eyes are even more beautiful than Phil had imagined, their color far more vivid than the word "brown" could ever convey, more than Skype could ever do justice to.

Phil realizes he's been staring. And not saying anything. He stammers out, "Dan! Dan! It's you! You're here!" And then he belatedly opens his arms for a hug, as he always does when greeting someone. Even just random fans who recognize him on the street get warm Phil hugs. But Dan hesitates, which makes Phil's stomach clench. Dan lowers his eyes, looking down at his feet, then leans in for an awkward hug with only one arm. Phil doesn't hug as warmly as he usually would, or as long as he wants to, because he can tell that Dan isn't comfortable.

It's like Phil's worst nightmare. He was right. Dan is disappointed.

He lets Dan go and steps away to make sure he isn't crowding the boy and freaking him out. He's feeling more like a creepy Internet predator now, because it sort of seems like Dan doesn't want to be here. And Dan isn't saying anything, which is only making it worse.

"Um," Phil begins awkwardly, "how was the train?" He reaches a hand toward Dan's duffel bag, but Dan ignores the silent offer, clenching the straps so tightly his knuckles are white.

Dan scuffs a shoe against the ground and looks away, reaching up to scratch the back of his neck and shrugging. "It was all right, I guess." Then he doesn't say anything more, still not meeting Phil's eyes.

Phil rapidly adjusts his expectations for the weekend. Maybe Dan won't even want to stay tonight. Maybe he'll want to catch the train home today, instead. Does he even want to leave the train station with Phil? Or should Phil just leave him here so he can escape this obvious horrible mistake as soon as possible?

"Is there a Starbucks around here?" Dan's voice cuts into Phil's racing thoughts. He certainly doesn't sound flirty now, just very young and hesitant. "I could use some coffee."

Phil smiles and nods, eager to please. "We can walk from here. Do you want me to take your bag?" He reaches a hand toward the duffle again and Dan lets him take it, which makes Phil ridiculously happy.

The walk to Starbucks is painfully awkward. Phil keeps trying to start conversations, but Dan is withdrawn and mostly monosyllabic. Phil notices himself nervously slipping into the zany AmazingPhil persona, which makes him feel a little less vulnerable to this slow motion crash and burn. After a few failed attempts to get Dan talking, he just starts telling a story about a weird woman he saw in the train station while he was waiting.

They place their order at Starbucks—the same order, in fact, which makes them chuckle and breaks the tension for a moment—then sit down with their drinks. A bubble of silence seems to encase them as the busy coffee shop bustles around them. Dan stares into his caramel macchiato and stirs it. Phil clears his throat nervously and Dan glances up at him through his lashes.

"This is so surreal," Dan mutters, as if to himself.

"What's surreal?" Phil asks, just glad that Dan has initiated a conversation topic.

Dan looks at him properly, but still not quite meeting his eyes, and says wonderingly, "I'm sitting in a Starbucks with AmazingPhil."

Phil immediately replies, "You're sitting in a Starbucks with your friend Phil from Skype."

Dan meets his eyes now, and he smiles properly for the first time since he first stood in front of Phil on the train station platform. Dimples appear in his cheeks.

Phil blurts out, "God, you're even prettier in person." Then he blushes, afraid that he's gone too far, that he'll scare Dan off, that he's being a predatory creeper.

Dan smiles wider and ducks his head, seeming embarrassed. He's staring fixedly into his macchiato when he says quietly, "Your eyes are even nicer than I thought." He glances up through his lashes again.

Phil begins to wonder if he's been misreading Dan. He's young. He's meeting someone—a guy he's been flirting with pretty outrageously—in person for the first time. Maybe he's just … nervous? Shy? He decides to take a chance. "I've been really nervous about meeting you."

Dan's head comes up and his eyes are wide. "Really? Why?"

Phil shrugs awkwardly. "Because I like you. And I wasn't sure if you were going to like me."

Dan's mouth drops open slightly, then he stammers, "I was worried about the same thing!"

Phil sighs with relief. "Can we start this all over again?" He stands up and holds his arms open for a hug.

Dan stands immediately and steps into his arms, and suddenly they're hugging each other tight in the middle of a busy Starbucks in downtown Manchester. Dan laughs, and he sounds happy. Phil squeezes him a little tighter. "Can't … breathe…" Dan quips, and Phil loosens his hold. Dan steps away slightly and Phil lets his arms fall to his sides. Dan's arms are still around his neck, though, when he says, "I wanted to do that at the train station, but I was too nervous." Then he finally lets go, and they sit back down.

Phil can't wipe the smile off his face, and he's just gazing at Dan's beautiful face unabashedly now. Dan keeps looking at him, then smiling shyly and glancing away. It's adorable. He seemed so confident on Twitter and Skype, and now he's just this insecure little bundle of … cute. It's not what Phil had expected, but he loves it just the same.

"Your eyes are prettier than I expected, too," he flirts, hoping that Dan will return in kind.

Dan does that thing again, that thing where he looks up at Phil through his lashes, and his smile is smaller now, like a private thing between the two of them. "I'm so happy right now." He takes a deep breath and lets it out with a whoosh. "I can't believe I'm here! I can't believe **you're** here!" His grin widens again. "This is … amazing. No pun intended." They both laugh. And suddenly they're just Dan and Phil again, like they were on Skype, and they know each other and they aren't strangers meeting for the first time. They smile at each other without reservation.

"I'm really glad to meet you, Dan Howell," Phil says.

"I'm really glad to meet you, Phil Lester," Dan replies.

And they each take a sip of their matching drinks and smile in the steam rising from their mugs.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** I'm considering making this the first chapter in a longer story. Let me know if that interests you.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note:** "Creeper" was originally intended to be a one-shot, but that first chapter just didn't seem complete on its own, so I decided to continue it. I think there's going to be just one more part/chapter after this.

* * *

 **The First Night**

They sit side by side on the floor in Phil's bedroom. The only light is from the street lamp down the road, shining distantly in through the window. Dan said he was afraid of the dark, but that he wasn't afraid as long as Phil was with him, and Phil's dimly lit bedroom feels cozy and intimate. The bed would be too intimate right now, but sitting on the floor together, talking in hushed tones despite the emptiness of the house, is perfect.

Like the day, which had been perfect as well.

To be honest, the Sky Bar was a little out of Phil's extremely limited price range, but he knew Dan would love it, and he did, so it was worth it. It was the grand finale for their first day together, and it had definitely been grand. Phil had never been there before, himself, and he'd been impressed and a little intimidated by the poshness, but Dan had been transfixed. He'd stared round at the incredible city view like a little kid, but only about half the time. The other half of the time, he stared at Phil instead, looking just as fascinated. And Phil couldn't look away.

Manchester is a pretty big city, but it isn't London, and gay couples don't tend to openly express affection in public. Gay bashings are not unheard of. Not to mention, Phil didn't want to make Dan uncomfortable by drawing disapproving stares in such a fancy place, so as they gazed out over the lights of the city he restrained himself from reaching out to take Dan's hand, no matter how much he wanted to.

But no one is watching them now, no one can disapprove, and so he reaches beside him and tentatively rests his hand on Dan's on the bedroom carpet. Dan immediately turns his hand over and interlaces his fingers with Phil's. The speed of his response is gratifying. Phil's starting to accept that maybe Dan is as smitten as he is.

The first rush of mutual infatuation is dizzying.

"I've never held hands with a guy before," Dan confides in hushed tones.

In fact, Phil has been dying to hold Dan's hand or kiss him all day, but Dan seemed a bit skittish whenever Phil got too close, so he gave the boy some space and just basked in the brilliance of his smiles. Now Dan's hesitancy makes more sense.

"How do you like it so far?" Phil asks, giving his fingers a little squeeze.

He sees Dan duck his head in what Phil has learned to interpret as mild embarrassment, and Dan mumbles, "It's … good."

Phil watches his face in the diffuse light from the distant streetlamp and feels like maybe what he feels isn't just a crush anymore, now that he's had a whole day to get to know how perfect and sweet Dan is in real life. But he tries to hold himself back, because that kind of hasty thinking could be dangerous to his heart. He lets a silence stretch between them.

"You're different than I expected," Dan says, making Phil wonder for a second whether he's a mind reader.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. You're … quieter. Calmer. I mean, I already knew you were different on Skype than in your videos, but … you're even more different in real life." Dan sounds pensive.

"Bad different?" Phil waits anxiously for Dan's reply.

"Just different different. I like you on Skype, and I like you in person. And I like your videos, of course. But when you're just on my computer screen, I can't do this," and he squeezes Phil's hand a little. Then he says quietly, "And I like how you look at me." He gazes down at his knees, a very slight curve to his lips.

"How do I look at you?" Phil is liking this conversation, because it's the first time since he arrived that Dan has opened up about what's going on between them. Phil wants to keep him talking.

Dan hesitates, then whispers, "Like I'm special."

Phil's heart breaks a little bit, because Dan sounds so surprised and maybe a little sad. Dan had a girlfriend for three years! Didn't she look at him like he was special?

"You **are** special, Dan. You're the specialest person I've ever met." Phil dares to raise their linked hands and kiss Dan's knuckles.

Dan is quiet a long time. "Even though I haven't followed through on … you know … all that stuff I said on Skype?" He sounds actually scared.

Phil lets go of his hand to put his arm around Dan's narrow shoulders reassuringly. "I like you on Skype, and I like you in person. But on Skype I can't do this," and he squeezes gently.

Dan laughs a little, then says nervously, "It's just easier in front of a camera. Acting confident, I mean. Flirting like that. I'm not really that confident in real life. I'm actually really awkward." He chuckles, his shoulders tense under Phil's arm. "You probably noticed."

Phil's heart breaks a little more. It's true that after all the blatant innuendos and racy hints on Skype he'd expected Dan to be different, but this conversation is only making him fall faster. He'd thought maybe they'd have a hot weekend of at least making out, maybe more if Dan was up for it, but now he just wants to hold this gentle, vulnerable boy and show him how unique and extraordinary he is. "You're perfect," he insists, and dares to kiss Dan's cheek, just the slightest brush of his lips against that adorable baby face.

He hears Dan's intake of breath, but his shoulders have relaxed a bit, so that must have been okay.

"Your first kiss from a boy?" Phil asks gently.

He can see Dan's head nod. Then his shoulders hunch and he wraps his arms around his skinny knees. "It's not that I don't want to … you know, I was really looking forward to getting here and just … jumping on you … because I really like you and you're really hot and everything … but I just … I don't know. I'm scared I'll do something wrong. And you won't like me anymore." He sounds so lost and frightened, and all Phil wants is to make him feel better. It's like when Dan was so afraid to upload his videos, and Phil had to convince him that they were good enough. Now he wants to convince Dan that **he** is good enough. Just the way he is.

"If we don't do anything more than this all weekend, I'll still like you, Dan. I promise. No jumping of any kind required." He tries to lighten the mood a bit.

Dan snorts quietly, then says, "I was really looking forward to the jumping, actually." His voice is lighter now, too. Phil hears a bit of that Skype flirtiness in it. "I'm kind of disappointed."

They don't say anything more for a while, and Phil's so happy that Dan was comfortable enough to flirt that he doesn't want to push things too far and make him nervous again.

Eventually, Phil thinks maybe something less intense might be in order, so he breaks the silence to ask, "Want to watch a movie? Or play Donkey Kong or something?"

"I think I just want to go to bed," Dan replies, and suddenly Phil feels like a creepy Internet predator again. When they were teasing each other on Skype yesterday, he'd thought Dan was coming here for a weekend of at least mild messing around. He'd assumed they'd both be sleeping in his bed, together. Now, though, that seems like way too much.

"Okay," he replies, trying to inject cheer into his voice. He'd been hoping to get to spend more time with Dan tonight, but he reminds himself that they have all day tomorrow. "You can have my bed. My brother won't mind if I sleep in his room."

Dan abruptly turns to face him, causing Phil's arm to slide off his shoulders. "You don't want to … I mean … I sort of thought we would both be in your bed, that you'd stay here with me."

"We can leave the light on in the hall if you want, and keep the door open so it isn't completely dark in here," Phil offers.

Dan shakes his head impatiently. "It isn't about the dark. It's about … I just want you to stay with me. I want to be close to you." He hesitates a moment. "If that's okay."

Phil smiles and wraps his arms around Dan, which is a bit awkward with the way they're sitting. He kisses Dan's hair and says happily, "Of course it's okay. I'd like that a lot. I just didn't want you to feel like I was … I don't know … going to molest you or something." He laughs awkwardly.

Dan doesn't reply, and Phil guesses that's he's embarrassed. By what, Phil isn't exactly sure, and he doesn't want to pursue the topic any further and maybe make things even more uncomfortable for the boy, so he tries to make his voice as casual and reassuring as possible when he says, "Want to get changed into our pyjamas?"

Dan ducks his head so that his forehead nearly touches Phil's shoulder. He mumbles something Phil doesn't catch. "What was that?" Phil asks.

Dan raises his head and sounds humiliated as he stammers, "I was so … I was going to jump on you, like I said … I was really looking forward to it … and I didn't think … I mean…" and Phil suddenly understands.

"You didn't bring any pyjamas." The idea actually makes him feel a little better, less like a creeper. Dan wanted the sexy weekend as much as he did—he just wasn't as confident in reality as he'd been in his imagination. Phil liked the fact that Dan had been imagining it, though … that he'd been filled with anticipation when he packed his bag and opted not to include anything to wear to bed. It turns him on a little, and he quickly reins in his own imagination and sternly tells his body to calm the fuck down.

Dan shakes his head, and even in the dim light Phil can see that his cheeks are pink.

"I have some you can borrow," Phil offers, but Dan shakes his head again.

"I could just sleep in my boxers. If that's okay, I mean."

Phil imagines sleeping **platonically** all night in the same bed with Dan wearing nothing but boxers and wants to groan out loud but contains himself. "Whatever you want," he replies carefully.

Dan stands up, his eyes on Phil's, and slowly pulls off his t-shirt. The light from the window shines on his bare chest. Phil gulps. He stands and turns to his bureau, grabbing the first pair of pyjama pants he sees and a random t-shirt. "I'll change in the bathroom," he says quickly and flees, closing the bedroom door behind him.

In the bathroom, he gives himself a stern talking to. He acknowledges that he's going to get turned on, admits that he already is, but determines that he is absolutely **not** going to make any moves on Dan. He desperately hopes he doesn't do any sleep-groping. He changes into his pyjamas quickly and takes out his contacts. He brushes his teeth and then stares at himself in the mirror. "You can do this," he says to his reflection. "You can sleep next to a gorgeous boy who's been working you up for weeks, and you can leave him alone. You can. You will." He lets out a little groan of frustration and scrubs his hands over his face.

He opens the bathroom door and finds Dan standing in the hallway in nothing but a pair of Sonic boxer briefs. There's a lot of smooth, tanned skin visible. Holy mother of… Clearly the universe is punishing Phil for something. Dan's face is bright pink, and he's holding a toiletry bag. "I just need to … brush my teeth and stuff."

Phil jumps as if scalded and steps out of the bathroom doorway. "Of course. Bathroom's all yours," he babbles, and then practically runs to the bedroom. Once there, he turns on the light so Dan will be able to see when he comes in, then pulls back the duvet and climbs into bed, scooting to the far edge. The bed isn't very big, and he doesn't want to crowd Dan. He lies on his side, facing the door, waiting for Dan to appear, but it takes a while. He decides Dan must be giving himself a little talk in the bathroom, too. It's a weird situation for both of them.

Finally, Dan appears and hesitates in the doorway. He looks down at his feet, then meets Phil's eyes. "Should I…" he gestures awkwardly at the light switch.

Phil nodded. "I just didn't want you to walk into a dark room after your eyes adjusted to the light in the bathroom."

Dan smiles. "That was nice of you." He flips the light off and the room is plunged into near darkness again. Phil sees Dan's dark shape move toward the bed and then feels the mattress give under his weight. The bedcovers move and he feels Dan's body settle into the bed beside him, not touching but oh so near.

They're both quiet for a long time, but neither of them falls asleep. They listen to each other breathe. Then Dan's voice sounds nervous when he says quietly, "Would it be okay if I just … would it be okay if I kissed you? Because I'd really like to kiss you."

Phil's heart squeezes in his chest at the sweet innocence of that request. He blindly reaches out a hand and is lucky to meet one of Dan's lying between them. He intertwines their fingers and says softly, "I'd really like that, too."

Dan shuffles closer and hesitates. There's a bit of laughter in his voice when he says, "Help me out a bit here? It's dark as fuck and I can't really tell where you are."

Phil chuckles and scoots closer to Dan so that they're now just barely touching along their bodies, and then he raises his hands to frame Dan's face and leans forward. He doesn't press their lips together, but hesitates there, letting Dan feel his breath so close, waiting for Dan to make that last little movement.

Dan leans in to close the distance, and his lips are slightly chapped as they press a butterfly touch to Phil's then withdraw, but not too far. And then before Phil can catch his breath, Dan's lips are back, his head tilting slightly to get a better angle, and this kiss is firmer, his lips parting slightly. Phil responds in kind, following Dan's lead, and he feels a soft tongue swipe hesitantly against his bottom lip. This time he can't hold back the groan, and he can feel Dan's body quiver in response, moving closer so that they're pressed tight together. Dan deepens the kiss, and Phil tries to stay passively responsive, not wanting to take control and push things too far. He knows Dan can probably feel his body's obvious excited response, but there's nothing he can do about that, so he tries not to worry about it. Dan's had erections before, surely he understands. He just hopes it doesn't scare Dan off, because these gentle but passionate kisses are absolute heaven. And then Dan shifts position a bit and Phil notices that he isn't the only one experiencing that particular physiological problem. When they're pressed together like this, it's difficult to hide.

Dan's lips are hot and eager as he kisses Phil over and over again, letting their lips part for brief moments only to start again as if he can't bear to stay away. But eventually he does pull away, panting, and says in a slightly husky voice, "I think we should probably stop."

Phil wants to cry out, "No!" but instead he just smiles, even though Dan probably can't see it, and says, "Whatever you want, Dan. It's all fine." He feels like his entire body is buzzing with the thrill of Dan's sweetly hungry kisses and he wants more more more, but he takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly.

Dan hasn't moved away, so he's still aware of the warmth and nearness of the boy's bare skin. It isn't helping with his efforts to calm down. He rolls away to lie on his back and pants out, "You're a really good kisser."

Dan sounds shy when he says, "Thanks. So are you." A silence stretches between them, disturbed only by the sounds of their heavy breathing as it begins to slow.

"Just so you know," Dan whispers, "I **do** still want to jump you. A lot. And … all the stuff I said on Skype. I do want that. I'm just…" He hesitates, as if uncertain how to explain.

"Don't worry, Dan," Phil replies gently. "You're worth waiting for."

They lie together in the dark for a long time, and after a while Phil hears Dan's breath even out and decides that he's fallen asleep. It takes Phil longer, but eventually he too drifts off.

He dreams of chapped lips and shy eyes and golden skin. They're good dreams.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note:** Watch out: this chapter has some non-explicit fully clothed sexy times. Not exactly smut, but ... sexy times. Oh, and I'm too lazy to look up what time Dan's train was actually scheduled to leave Manchester on October 21. For the purposes of this fic, I'm saying sometime in the late afternoon. It's fiction, ya know?

* * *

 **Sofa to Manchester Piccadilly**

Dan's train home isn't until Sunday afternoon, so they decided to spend that last morning cuddled on the sofa, marathoning old Buffy episodes, because they've both seen them before and so it doesn't matter if they miss long sections of plot when they start making out.

Which happens frequently.

Phil lies on the couch with Dan lying on top of him, a blanket pulled over them for warmth … though they're doing a pretty good job of generating their own warmth whenever Dan initiates another bout of kissing.

"I don't want you to leave," Phil says softly while Buffy and her pals are battling some Native American ghosts over Thanksgiving dinner on the television screen. His arms are around Dan, but he's making sure not to hold him too tightly, like Dan is made of something delicate and breakable. This whole weekend, he's been careful to let Dan set the pace of things between them, not wanting to spook him, not wanting to push him into anything he isn't ready for.

And it seems that what Dan is ready for is lots and lots of kissing.

They played some video games yesterday and watched a movie, though Phil can't remember what it was, because he'd been far more aware of the boy curled up against him than anything happening on the television. They filmed a Q&A video for Phil's YouTube channel, and that was fun. They ordered pizza—Phil remembers that there was pizza. But mostly he remembers the kissing. To be honest, they probably spent the majority of yesterday kissing. By dinner time, he'd noticed that the skin around Dan's mouth was slightly red, and he'd gone to have a second shave of the day just to try to make sure that he didn't send Dan home to his parents with obvious evidence of what had been going on while their baby boy was away visiting the mysterious creeper from the Internet.

Dan raises his head from where it has been resting on Phil's chest and meets Phil's eyes. He looks sad. "I don't want to leave, either. I wish we could stay here like this forever." He shifts a little, scooting up so he can reach Phil's lips, and kisses him slowly, as if he is savoring this so he'll be able to remember it while they're apart. At least, that's what Phil imagines he's doing, because that's how he feels himself.

When they'd planned this visit, both of them excited to finally meet in the real world, their Skype calls had mostly consisted of innocuous chatting interspersed with suggestive flirting. He'd felt close to Dan, felt excited and nervous to meet him, hoping Dan would like him, but … Phil hadn't expected to feel this intense connection. They're already making plans for when they can see each other again, and it's only a couple weeks away at the YouTube Halloween gathering in London, but right now a couple weeks apart feels interminable.

"We can Skype every day," he says, trying to sound less mournful than he feels.

"And I can come to visit again in a few weeks," Dan isn't as good at hiding his sadness. "If my parents let me." Then he adds darkly, "They'd better let me. Or I'll sneak out when they aren't looking. I **will** come back in a few weeks."

The words just remind Phil how young Dan is, just barely 18, still accustomed to his parents controlling what he does and rebellious against their potential interference. Phil hugs him a little tighter, and Dan kisses him again, his mouth warm and welcoming. The kiss escalates pretty quickly and soon Dan is twisting to get into a better position on top of Phil, their legs tangling together, hips lining up in a way that makes Phil bite his lip in anticipation.

While Dan has been reticent about taking things much further than just kissing, he doesn't seem to have much of a problem with rubbing himself against Phil like a cat in heat when they're making out. It's deliciously frustrating. Enough to get Phil so worked up he can barely see straight, but not enough to actually get him off. Tonight, after Dan leaves, he'll probably wank himself raw just remembering how it felt. He likes to think Dan will be doing the same in Wokingham.

Maybe they could Skype while they do it.

No, that's probably too much right now. But … maybe eventually. Cybersex isn't as good as the real thing, but it can still be fun. And he thinks Dan would probably like it, given what a flirty little shit he is on camera.

But right now, he has Dan actually pressed on top of him, kissing him, thrusting his hips in minute movements as if unaware he's already doing it. Phil tries to stop thinking about the fact that Dan is leaving in just a couple hours, stop thinking about how he'll get through the time apart, and just focus on how real and **here** Dan is right this very moment. He can angst about the separation once Dan is gone—right now Dan is here and Phil wants to focus on him with all his senses, store up as much information as possible for after he's left.

Dan pulls his mouth away to mutter against Phil's lips, "Jesus, Phil. You get me so turned on." He presses his hips down more firmly and Phil can feel how hard he is already. He twines a hand into Dan's hair and pulls him down into a passionate kiss. He's been trying not to do this—not take control, trying to always let Dan choose how far they go and how fast—but Dan's words tighten every muscle in his body and make his control slip a little, just for a minute.

He gasps and releases Dan's hair, slowing the kiss back to something more languid, but Dan pulls away to whisper, "Don't stop. I liked it." So Phil winds his fingers back into Dan's hair, and Dan groans, "Yes," against his lips before intensifying their kiss. He's writhing against Phil with more purpose now, his uncoordinated grinding turning into proper thrusts that set off sparks all the way to Phil's fingertips. His hold on Dan's hair tightens a bit and he arches his back off the couch to get closer. Dan is basically fucking his mouth with his tongue now, just slick and smooth and fast and god!

Dan's thrusts speed up, his hips grinding hard and rhythmic against Phil's, and it feels incredible. Phil is desperate to slide his hands down to grasp Dan's ass, but neither of them has let their hands wander below the waist yet and he doesn't want to do anything to startle Dan into pulling away, doesn't want this to stop. He lets Dan set the pace, and that pace seems to be speeding up.

Suddenly, Dan pulls his lips away, panting, and presses his face into the side of Phil's neck. "Oh god," he gasps, almost directly into Phil's ear, and Phil can feel Dan's breath hot against his skin. "Jesus. Oh god. Oh fuck!" And then Dan throws his head back with a loud groan, his eyes squeezed tightly shut. He thrusts hard a few more times, gradually slowing down, and then goes completely limp, basically just collapsing on top of Phil, his face hidden again in Phil's neck.

Phil doesn't want to embarrass Dan, so he doesn't comment on the fact that Dan has obviously just come in his pants while they were dry humping. He just lies there and enjoys the relaxed weight of Dan on top of him. And wills his own insistent, throbbing, inconveniently persistent erection to subside.

After a long silence in which they both lie completely still and silent, Dan mumbles, "Okay. So that was the most embarrassing thing ever."

Phil lets his hands caress Dan's back slowly, gently, and says, "It wasn't embarrassing. It was **hot**."

Dan raises his head to meet Phil's gaze with the most adorably hesitant expression Phil has seen yet. "Yeah?" he asks, sounding like he doesn't believe it.

Phil kneads the muscles of Dan's back gently, still restraining himself from reaching down to that amazing ass, and assures him, "You've given me wank material for at least the next couple years."

Dan blushes, laughing, and ducks his head into Phil's neck again. Then he says in his scared little boy voice, "But you haven't…"

Phil hurries to reassure him. "Don't worry about me. I'm fine, Dan. I got to make you come, got to watch you. That was basically the best thing ever."

Dan presses his face harder into Phil's neck, hiding his expression. Then suddenly he giggles.

"What's so funny?" Phil asks.

"I don't have any more clean underwear with me," Dan explains. "I'm going to have to sit for hours on the train in these boxers." He laughs.

Phil shrugs. "Just borrow some of mine."

Dan raises his head to look at Phil again. "Really?"

"Why not?" Then Phil smiles devilishly. "I kind of like the idea of my underwear touching parts of you I haven't gotten to yet."

Dan giggles again and grins at him. "You are so weird."

Phil grins back. "You love it."

* * *

Standing on the platform at Manchester Piccadilly, Phil feels like his heart is being torn from his chest. Dan is staring up at him with sad puppy dog eyes, looking like he might actually cry.

"I really want to kiss you," Dan whispers.

Phil looks around at the crowded train station. "Probably not a good idea," he whispers back.

Dan looks down at his shoes and says, "I know."

Phil pulls him into his arms and hugs him tight, Dan's arms immediately wrapping around him to clutch his t-shirt as if he never wants to let go. If he feels anything like Phil does, then he **doesn't** want to let go. If only they could just go back to the sofa and cuddle under the blanket forever and pretend like the rest of the world doesn't exist.

But Dan's parents are expecting him back tonight, and Phil's parents will be getting home from their trip. And … the real world is horrible but unavoidable.

"Halloween in London," Phil says, trying to sound upbeat for Dan's sake. He doesn't think he succeeds very well. "It's not that far away."

They pull apart and Dan is gazing up at him again. An announcement comes over the intercom. Dan's train is going to be leaving in a few minutes, so he really needs to board.

"Fuck it," Phil says in frustration, and he leans down and gives Dan a quick but thorough kiss. The smile that beams up at him when he pulls away makes the public display worth it.

"Skype tonight?" Dan asks plaintively, and Phil nods.

"Of course. It doesn't matter how late—I'll wait up." He pauses, then smirks. "And I'll be thinking about you wearing my boxers the whole way home," he quips to make Dan smile again. The boy laughs, and Phil picks up his duffel bag, handing it to him. "You'd better get on the train before it leaves without you."

"Would that be so bad?" Dan whines.

"Yeah. Your parents might never let you come visit again," Phil points out, trying to be the strong one for both of them.

Dan rolls his eyes. "Yeah, yeah. Okay." His bottom lip is sticking out in the cutest pout Phil has ever seen. "Can I kiss you one more time?"

Phil doesn't even hesitate this time before pulling him into his arms. Their lips meet, and it's sweet and melancholy at the same time. Phil holds him close and just tries to memorize everything about him, how he feels and smells and looks and sounds. When they pull apart, Dan turns quickly and boards his train. He sits near a window and looks out at Phil, and Phil can't tell from here but it looks like he might be crying.

Phil raises a hand in farewell as the train starts to move. Dan boarded just in time. Dan presses a hand to the window … and then Phil watches the train slowly leave the station, taking his Dan with it. Phil drops his hand to his side and just stares morosely at the ground for a minute.

He walks slowly to the bus stop, remembering flashes of moments from the weekend. Just … Dan's wide eyes at the Sky Bar, holding hands for the first time in his bedroom, the hesitant feel of Dan's lips that first time in his bed, the warmth of him under the blanket on the sofa, his laughter when they were filming the Q&A video.

That will be fun to edit. And it will be something Phil can watch when he needs a Dan fix between now and Halloween.

When the bus comes to take him home, he finds a seat and settles in, taking out his phone and composing a tweet so that Dan will see it and they won't feel so far apart. Then he puts his phone back in his pocket and begins counting down the days to Halloween.

Only a couple weeks, he tells himself. But it feels like forever.


	4. Skype 211009

**Author's Note:** The Creeper series continues! I wrote this as an independent fic that could be read without reading the earlier parts of the series, but it probably is more satisfying if read in order, so I'm just going to add it on this website as an additional chapter of the same fic. I actually posted this (and a few additional parts of the series) a while ago on Tumblr and AO3, but hadn't gotten around to putting any of them on this site, so if you want to see my stuff right away when it's written and posted, you might want to follow me on Tumblr (where I'm "adorkablephil").

* * *

 **Skype 21/10/09**

"So you made it home all right on the train?" Phil asks. The Skype connection isn't great, but at least he can see Dan's face, and that's all he wants right now. It's only a few hours since they parted at the train station, but it already feels like forever.

Dan nods but doesn't say anything. He's lying with his head resting on his pillow, his laptop beside him on the bed.

"Are you okay?"

Dan nods again, then says sadly, "I'm pretending you're here in the bed with me."

Phil smiles gently. "I wish I could be. I already miss you."

Dan murmurs, "It was a great weekend, wasn't it?"

"Yeah," Phil replies just as quietly. "The best. The very very bestest ever."

"I can't wait until Halloween. It seems so far away."

"It's not, though," Phil insists. "It's only 10 days, and then we'll be together again. And I can introduce you to the other YouTubers I know! I'll get to show you off!"

Dan laughs a little, but Phil thinks he can hear traces of a sob in the sound as well. "A few days ago I was really looking forward to meeting all these people, but now all I can think is that it'll mean I can't be alone with you."

Wanting to get Dan onto a happier topic, Phil asks, "Have you looked into when you can come visit again?"

"Yeah. It looks like maybe I can come on November 6th. Would that be okay?" It's his uncertain, lost little boy voice again.

Phil beams, his whole world lighting up with the prospect of Dan visiting again so soon. "Dan, that's only a week after Halloween! So we'll see each other in 10 days, and then again a week after!" His smile slips a bit. "I mean, if you come on November 6th … my parents will be here. So…"

Dan smirks, "So no making out on the sofa?" Phil loves to hear that flirty tone in his voice again.

Phil shrugs awkwardly, "Yeah. We'll need to … you know…"

Dan supplies pertly, "Behave ourselves?"

Phil nods.

Dan's bottom lip sticks out slightly in a teasing pout. "That's no fun."

Phil laughs. "We can still have fun. I mean, you can still sleep with me in my room."

Dan makes air quotes with his fingers, "You mean 'sleep'?"

Phil laughs again. "Well, **that** , and actual sleeping. We'll just have to be … quiet."

"Oh, Phil," Dan purrs. "You definitely don't have that effect on me."

Phil's mouth drops open slightly. Dan was much less flirtatious in person, but it seems that being on camera makes him more comfortable with it again. It's different now that they've been together, though. It feels more intimate, more **real** , now that he knows what Dan's lips feel like, knows what his body feels like when they're pressed together, knows what his face looks like when he comes…

Dan's smiling now, head still resting on the pillow, and it's almost like when they lay talking in Phil's bed together. A silence stretches as they just gaze at each other across the distance through their shitty webcams.

"Um…" Phil begins, not sure if he should ask this, but incredibly curious. "Are you still wearing my boxers? The ones you borrowed from me?"

Dan rubs his head against his pillow like an affectionate cat, a seductive little smile on his face. "What do you think?"

Phil gulps. It's ridiculous to be so excited at the thought of Dan wearing his clothes, even if it **is** underwear, but he can't help it. Certain parts of his body are starting to take an interest in the conversation. "Yeah?"

"Well, I'm in bed. And I usually only wear boxers to bed," Dan teases.

"So you're…" Phil stammers.

"Yep. I'm wearing nothing but your boxers right now." Dan smirks like the evil little shit he is.

Phil licks his lips and lets his eyes roam Dan's face. He looks so much happier now than he did at the start of their Skype call. He also looks like a fucking tease who's enjoying winding Phil up. Phil wishes he could see more of Dan than just his face. He swallows, then rasps, "Show me?"

Dan looks suddenly very young and shy again, but then a determined look comes onto his face. There's a vertiginous movement of Dan's laptop and a shuffling of bedclothes, and then Phil is seeing a stretch of bare skin, looking down along Dan's flat, tanned stomach to the heart-covered boxer briefs that are hiding parts of Dan's body Phil hasn't seen yet but has definitely imagined. The laptop swings around again and a duvet blocks Phil's view for a moment, and then Dan's face is there again, now looking pink and embarrassed. "Happy now?" he asks, obviously nervous.

"Very," Phil says huskily. "You don't even want to know what I did after I got home from the train station, thinking about you wearing those."

This seems to boost Dan's confidence, and he arches an eyebrow. "Are you sure I don't want to know? Because I think I probably do."

Phil laughs uncomfortably and says, "I'm sure you can guess."

Dan's eyes shift to the side, then back to Phil's face on his computer screen. "Probably the same thing I did when I got home."

They smirk at each other, both simultaneously awkward and happy and embarrassed.

"I think I'll be doing a lot of that for the next 10 days," Phil quips, feeling a little self-conscious.

Dan rolls onto his back, providing Phil with a gorgeous view of his profile. "I could almost do it right now," he says casually to his bedroom ceiling, arching his neck a little.

Phil gapes, then chokes. But Dan rolls back over onto his side to face the camera and smiles wickedly. "But I think I'll wait."

Phil laughs in disbelief. "You evil, manipulative, fucking **tease**!" He doesn't really mind, though. It's so wonderful to be playful with Dan like this again. Everything was so emotionally intense when they were together over the weekend that they hadn't bantered like this as much, and Phil realizes that he missed it. He hopes that eventually they'll get to the point where they can be in the same room, wanting to tear each other's clothes off, and still carry on a normal conversation like this.

Dan giggles, and it's one of Phil's favorite sounds in the entire world.

Phil sobers and, before he can chicken out, says haltingly, "There's something I've been wanting to say to you … but I think … maybe it's too early. Maybe I should wait."

Dan's eyes go dark and intent. He licks his lips nervously. "Me too," he says in that nervous little boy voice again.

"Yeah?" Phil asks, feeling a giddy hope fill him almost to overflowing, wanting to laugh out loud with happiness.

Dan smiles the sweetest dimpled smile Phil has ever seen, the smile he came to adore over the course of the weekend and says, "Yeah."

"Yeah," Phil repeats stupidly, his brain short-circuited with almost unbearable affection for this adorable boy.

"Yeah," Dan whispers happily.

And they just watch each other for a long time after that, just smiling like a couple of idiots in love.


	5. The First I Love You

**Author's Note:** The Creeper series continues! As I noted in the last chapter, these were actually written and posted a while ago on Tumblr and AO3 and I just hadn't gotten around to posting them here. If you want to read my stuff right away after it's written and posted, it's best to follow my Tumblr at "adorkablephil".

* * *

 **The First I Love You**

"It's terrrrrrible!" Dan moaned, dragging out the word with the melodrama only a teenager could muster.

Phil tried not to laugh. Dan looked so dejected in the Skype window, he knew any amusement would be taken badly … but Dan was so cute like this, with his pouty lips and dramatic hand gestures.

"It's not terrible, Dan. It's funny!"

"I can't figure out how to do the lighting right, so it's all wrong in most of the shots. It's way too dark. I should shoot it all over again." His head was hanging low, his sad eyes not meeting Phil's.

"I'll show you some stuff about how to do lighting when you're here for the weekend, okay? And I don't think you should reshoot anything, because it'll feel less spontaneous. I like the energy of the stuff you already have, and your editing is getting better every time!" Phil tried to inject as much cheer as possible into his voice, hoping some of it would rub off on this poor, insecure boy. Dan was so talented, but he just couldn't see it yet, which sometimes frustrated Phil but also made him completely determined to encourage him to express all the creativity Phil knew was there.

"People at the Halloween gathering are going to think I'm a complete freak if they see this. Especially if any of them speak German." Dan was looking at Phil now, but he looked really embarrassed.

"Yeah, I meant to ask you about that. What was it you said in German?" Phil knew other people watching the video would be as curious as he was.

Dan looked away. "You'll hate me."

Phil laughed. "I could never hate you, Dan, no matter what weird thing you put in your video."

"But you're so nice and … whatever … **wholesome**. I'm rude and obnoxious and crude and gross." He was looking dejected again.

"You've watched my videos. I'm not always all that wholesome," Phil objected, almost offended.

Dan looked at him directly when he spoke this time. "But as a **person** you are. It doesn't mean you aren't … you know … sex on legs. It doesn't mean you can't make me come in my pants…" He looked embarrassed but also turned on as he met Phil's gaze. There was a pause, and Phil wondered if Dan was relishing the memory as much as he was. "But you're just genuinely **nice**. I'm not a nice person."

Phil sighed. "Dan, yes, you are a nice person. You care about other people. Your sense of humor may be different from mine sometimes, but we still make each other laugh, right? And I wouldn't want you to be just like me. I like you for the person you are. And I want to see the videos that you want to make, and I think other people will want to see them, too. I don't want you to be like anybody else. You have so much potential, so many unique ideas! I want to see what you have to show the world."

After a pause, Dan smiled softly. "You really are the best, you know?"

Phil smiled back, "I think that would be **you**."

Dan rolled his eyes, then just gazed into his webcam for a long time, looking into Phil's eyes in the only way he could from so far away. "I miss you," he said softly.

"I miss you, too," Phil said, smiling. "But we'll see each other in London in just a few days. I can't wait to see you again! I want lots of hugs!"

"Just hugs?" Dan asked with a wicked little smile.

Phil grinned. "I'm working on that. I think I may have found somewhere for us to stay the night where we'll have a bit of privacy."

Dan grinned back. "Privacy would be good."

Phil just gazed at him. Dan was so lovely, such a complicated and interesting bundle of teenage hormones. Phil felt a bit like a molester for a moment, but pushed it down. Dan wasn't a child, and he was a strong, independent, talented person who just needed some encouragement sometimes. Staring at that face in the Skype window, though, Phil just couldn't look away from those irresistible eyes. He knew he had fallen in love with the boy already, but he didn't want to rush things by saying it yet. Sometimes the words were right on the tip of his tongue, but he held back. He didn't want to scare Dan off.

Dan was gazing back at him, not saying anything. They did this a lot during their Skype calls, just looking at each other, sometimes smiling, sometimes just sort of communing in a silent way, just **being** together.

"I love you, you know," Dan said quietly. He looked nervous.

Phil was momentarily stunned. He really hadn't expected that, hadn't realized they were so much on the same wavelength. He'd thought he would be the first to say it, and he hadn't planned for it to be over a crappy webcam. But he couldn't leave Dan hanging. "I love you, too." Phil smiled. Dan smiled back. Phil was sure they both looked like the worst saps in the world, and it was the best thing ever.

Dan's dimples were showing, and he looked absolutely adorable. "I wish I could kiss you right now," Phil said.

"Me, too." Dan's voice was small but happy.

A long silence stretched between them, but it wasn't uncomfortable. They were just looking at each other and basking in the glow of newly-declared feelings. It was almost painfully sweet.

After a while, Phil cleared his throat and looked away, then back. "So … about your video. I think you should upload it."

"Okay," Dan said easily. "If you think it's ready, I trust your judgment. I'll post it tonight." He was obviously drunk on young love and willing to agree to anything.

"Will you tell me what you said in German?" Phil asked mischievously.

Dan grinned. "I said, 'I had your mum's cum juice for breakfast.'"

Phil's shocked laugh burst out of him. "Oh my god!"

"Yeah," Dan replied with a bit of chagrin. "Hopefully I don't have any subscribers in Germany."

They both laughed, and Phil felt probably the happiest he'd ever been.


	6. Just Want to Get You Alone

**Author's Note:** The Creeper series continues! As previously noted, these were actually written a while ago and I just hadn't gotten around to posting them here. If you want to read my stuff right away after it's written and posted, it's best to follow my Tumblr at "adorkablephil".

* * *

 **Just Want to Get You Alone**

The train ride seems to last days and days, even longer than when he was on his way to Manchester to meet Phil for the first time, even though it's actually a much shorter trip. Electricity fizzes through him every time he remembers that Phil is going to meet him at Paddington Station before they go to meet up with some other YouTubers for some kind of Halloween gathering.

Dan is nervous about two things: seeing Phil again and meeting a bunch of people who are **actual** YouTubers … because Dan uploaded his first video just about two weeks ago, so he really doesn't feel like he has a right to join this particular party. But Phil just kept insisting that he belongs, just like he'd insisted that Dan's videos were worth uploading in the first place. When Phil tells Dan he can do something, that he's good enough to do something, that he's important enough and talented enough and just … **enough** … Dan can't help believing him, because Phil just has this way of talking to him that makes him feel safe and real and **validated**. It's like Phil's magic power.

And the reason he's nervous about seeing Phil again is more about excitement … but also dread. Dread that maybe Phil will have changed his mind, will see Dan again and realize that Dan really isn't that special, that last time was a fluke, that in person Dan is a complete fail and why would he want to have anything to do with a guy like that? Phil is so perfect … he could have anybody he wants … why would he want to spend any time at all with somebody like Dan? And Dan worries this will become only more obvious when Phil spends time with him while other people are around at the YouTube event. Dan isn't comfortable in social situations like that, and he worries that he's going to do something utterly moronic and make a complete fool of himself and Phil will never want to speak to him again.

So his stomach has been churning with nerves throughout the entire train ride. He hasn't been able to focus on anything but nightmarish images of ways today could go horribly wrong, ways that he might completely humiliate himself and maybe embarrass Phil in front of his friends. He keeps imagining the look on Phil's face as he backs away, trying to pretend that he doesn't know Dan after Dan has done something particularly mortifying.

But then the train is pulling into the station, and Dan feels like he might actually throw up, but instead he grabs his bag and makes his way to the doors just as they open. He steps out onto the platform and freezes, looking around anxiously for Phil, until someone behind him pushes him out of the way and gets him walking again.

And then he sees him. Phil is standing near the ticket kiosk, looking around, but he hasn't seen Dan yet. But then he does, and the smile that spreads across his face goes a long way toward soothing Dan's nerves. Phil strides through the crowd and pulls Dan into a tight hug, leaning down to whisper in his ear, "I've missed you so much! I can't believe you're here!" Dan wraps his arms around him and just basks in the warmth and acceptance and sweetness that is Phil. But then Phil is pulling him by the hand and Dan is dizzied by the sudden change. The hugging was good … why did Phil stop the hugging?

Phil pulls him into a dimly lit corner behind the ticket kiosk and murmurs, "Don't think too many people will see us back here," and then Phil is kissing him, mouth wet and eager. Dan's arms go around his neck and he returns the kiss with all the intensity that's been building up in him through their marathon Skype calls over the past 10 days. He runs his hands down Phil's back and then under his shirt to rest on the warm skin just above the waist of his jeans. When he starts to move his hands higher, stroking up across the bare skin of Phil's back, Phil pulls away from the kiss, gasping. "You're gonna get us arrested," Phil jokes, but he's breathing hard and fast just like Dan. They gaze into each other's eyes for a long moment, and then Phil smiles the happiest little smile Dan has ever seen and says quietly, "Hi."

Dan blushes. How is it that a word can feel almost more intimate than the kissing? But it's like Phil is reminding him that this is **them** , reminding him of the intimacy bred from hours and hours of Skype calls, reminding him that this is more than just a semi-public make-out session. This is really real. This is **Phil**.

"Hi," Dan replies, smiling and biting his lip.

Phil pulls away, grasping one of Dan's hands as it slides from beneath his shirt, and he interweaves their fingers. He's still looking at Dan, and he says softly, "Still prettier in person." Dan ducks his head but can't help smiling harder.

"Do we really have to go to this party thing? Couldn't we just … rent a hotel room or something?" Dan asks, not entirely joking but trying to act like he is.

"I thought you were looking forward to meeting people," Phil says, looking concerned.

Dan smirks and says, "Yeah, but I'm overwhelmed by the amazingness of Phil in person and just want to get you alone."

Phil grins and presses a soft, brief kiss on Dan's lips. "Tom said we can stay at his place tonight, and he has a proper guest room and everything." Phil's pale eyes sparkle with what Dan hopes is anticipation, because he himself is fairly vibrating with it. "Until then, though, we should probably take it easy with the…" and he gestures vaguely at their hands clasped together.

A stab of hurt strikes Dan unexpectedly. "You don't want people to know we're … together?"

Phil squeezes his hand reassuringly and says, "I just thought it might be better at first to let people get to know you for yourself, not just as AmazingPhil's boyfriend."

Dan raises an eyebrow. "Boyfriend?"

Phil blushes and looks away. "Well, what would you call it?"

Dan knows he's blushing, too, when he says hesitantly, "I didn't think you would want … I mean, I'm just so … why would you want to be with **me**?"

Phil frowns, and it's an odd look on his face, like he doesn't do it often. "Because I love you, you spork." It's the first time Dan's heard him say it in person, though they started saying it over Skype a few days ago, and he steps forward to wrap his arms around Phil again, resting his head on Phil's shoulder and then pressing a quick kiss to the side of his neck.

"I love you, too," he says softly, but he isn't brave enough to look Phil in the face when he says the words. He says them into Phil's hair, instead. Phil pulls him closer and they just stand there in each other's arms for a long moment.

"I think that station agent is getting ready to come over here," Phil murmurs with a bit of laughter in his voice, and Dan raises his head to look around the station. Yup, a man in a uniform is eyeing them suspiciously. Dan chuckles. They step apart to leave a bit of space between them.

He looks Phil in the face again, trying not to get lost in those beautiful eyes, and says reluctantly, "I guess we should go to this Halloween thing, then, right?"

Phil nods. "It'll be fun. You'll see. Lots of people want to meet you!"

Dan cringes. "What do you mean they want to meet me?"

Phil smiles and says, "People have been watching your videos, you know. And some of them know you from Twitter, too."

Dan puts his hands over his face. "Oh god. I hadn't really thought about it."

Phil pulls Dan's hands down and holds them gently in his own. "It'll be fine. They're nice people! You're going to have fun, I promise."

Dan nods dubiously, dread rising in him again. He'd been looking forward to meeting people he'd been talking to on Twitter, but the reality of it feels much more daunting than when it was just an idea in his head. The images of all the ways he could make an idiot of himself start running through his head again. Plus, some of these people have seen his videos, and he hates to think how they might judge his work. He's tried really hard, but he's only made three videos so far, and he knows they aren't great. He probably wouldn't have uploaded them at all if Phil hadn't insisted repeatedly that they were ready.

Phil squeezes his hands reassuringly and then lets them go, pressing a hand to Dan's back as they begin to walk toward the exit.

Dan's been to London before, but he doesn't know the city well, so he mostly just follows Phil like a lost puppy. They walk down crowded streets and up and down stairs and escalators and through crowded Tube stations. They take a couple different trains, and then Phil proclaims happily, "We're here!" He ushers Dan up the stairs from the Tube station and they walk a short distance to a grassy park where clumps of young people are standing around here and there, talking. Some of them seem very animated. One guy is doing something with a fuzzy purple puppet.

"Phil!" someone shouts, and then a young woman with a blue streak in her hair is running over to hug Phil excitedly. "Yay!" she enthuses. "I haven't seen you in forever!" Phil introduces her to Dan, but Dan immediately forgets her name, which always happens when he's nervous. She tells Dan the name of her YouTube channel, but it isn't one he's familiar with. He just smiles and nods and hopes he doesn't look like too much of a dork. It seems she hasn't seen Dan's videos, either, which is actually a relief.

They walk further into the park and Phil greets various people. Many of them seem to know him. He introduces Dan to everybody they talk to, and everybody seems very friendly. Some of them have seen his videos and tell him he's really funny. He doesn't know what to say to that and so just mumbles, "Thanks." Mostly, he sticks to Phil's side, talking mostly to him, and Phil is really nice about it. When they join conversations, Dan mostly just listens and laughs when it seems appropriate. He's surprised by how young everybody looks, and by how much hugging is going on. His friends definitely don't hug this much. Some of Phil's friends even hug **him** when they're introduced, which is a little weird, but whatever. Dan hugs them back, and it's kind of nice. He feels like he's a part of something here.

Quite a few people are walking around with video cameras, vlogging the event, and Dan really doesn't like it. He hates how he looks on camera and can only tolerate making videos public because he can control everything about how he presents himself, editing out anything he doesn't like. He hates to think of all these people having video footage of him that he will have no control over. He notices that no one else seems bothered, though. Most of them just ignore the video cameras, but some smile or wave or ham it up. Phil just seems to ignore them, so Dan tries to do the same. It's hard, though. "Non-consensual filming," he mutters to Phil when no one else is listening, and Phil puts a comforting hand on his arm. Totally platonic, folks. Nothing to see here.

After a couple of hours of this random milling around in the park, everyone just wandering from one conversation to another, the guy with the puppet raises his voice to try to get everyone's attention. Apparently, the gathering is going to break up for a couple hours and reconvene at 4:30 for the evening's costumed continuation. People start talking about going to get food, and the assumption seems to be that this will be a group endeavor. Phil shoots Dan a questioning look, and Dan tries to look more confident than he feels.

They end up walking with a bunch of people back to the Tube station with the intention of going someplace specific to meet up with some other people. Dan is extremely unclear on the details. He doesn't remember the names of any of the people they're with, but Phil seems happy enough, so Dan just stays close to him. He doesn't think anyone will notice if he keeps brushing his arm against Phil's or briefly touches his back occasionally, and it helps Dan feel less nervous.

Lunch is a noisy, chaotic affair, with so many outgoing people in one place, all trying to be heard. Dan makes quiet comments to Phil occasionally, but otherwise just tries not to be noticed. The guy sitting next to him on the other side tells Dan that he subscribed to his channel, and Dan ducks his head in embarrassment, muttering a thanks. "You're hot," the guy says with a grin, and Dan cringes. "You're even hotter in person." Dan mumbles something incoherent, not meeting the guy's eyes, trying to look cool but absolutely certain that he is failing miserably. He has no idea what this guy's name is—for all he knows, he could be one of the people who flirts with him on Twitter or Dailybooth. Dan smiles vaguely and turns away toward Phil.

"I think this guy is hitting on me," he whispers close to Phil's ear.

Phil leans to look around Dan and smiles at Flirty Guy. "Hey Jamie! I didn't see you there!" Apparently, the guy's name is Jamie. "How's it going?" Phil and Jamie start talking about their recent videos and some new editing software, and Dan just sort of tunes out between them, smiling and nodding and acting like he knows what they're talking about. He makes one comment when they're talking about one of Phil's videos, because that's something he actually knows a bit about, but the rest of the time he keeps pretty quiet.

Then he notices that Flirty Jamie is still acting pretty flirty … only now it's toward Phil. So apparently Jamie is just a manwhore. Dan's vacant smile becomes more like a grimace, because there's nothing he can do but sit here and listen to Jamie the Fucking Cock Slut pay Phil lavish compliments in a suggestive tone of voice. He wonders if everyone at the table can hear him grinding his teeth in jealousy and frustration. But then he feels Phil's hand on his under the table, and he turns his hand over so that they can weave their fingers together, and Phil squeezes his hand and smiles at him, and suddenly Jamie doesn't matter, because he knows Phil is **his** , even if no one else knows it. Phil looks back at Jamie again, listening to something the guy is saying, but Dan can see that his expression shows only polite interest, none of the warmth it shows whenever he looks at Dan.

Dan wonders if they're fooling anybody.

After their late lunch—or early dinner, it's a weird time to eat—some people don costumes, which doesn't require much for most of them. Dan threw together a bear costume that's mostly just a furry brown shirt, and Phil's cat costume pretty much just consists of a pair of ears he puts on his head. Plus they draw appropriate markings on each other's faces, of course, which reminds Dan of when they filmed their Q&A at Phil's house that first weekend. He glances at Phil's eyes and sees he's remembering, too. Their smiles are small and private.

Their group's raucous, haphazardly-costumed bouncing through the Underground draws some annoyed glances, especially as someone among them keeps blasting "The Monster Mash" over and over again. Dan tries to just enjoy the party atmosphere and Phil's presence at his side. Phil looks really cute with the cat whiskers on his face, just like he did before, when they were alone at his house. Dan tries not to stare at him like a complete sap, but sees a similarly smitten expression on Phil's face a couple times when their gazes meet.

Yeah, they're probably not fooling anybody.

They get back to the park and it looks like more people have shown up than were here during the day. It's not quite dark yet, but it will be soon. There are a lot of people with face paint on, enough that Dan completely gives up on trying to recognize any of the people he met earlier. He wouldn't be able to remember their names, anyway. When every person you meet tells you not only their name but also their YouTube channel, it gives you twice as many names to remember and—at least in Dan's case—zero chance that you'll remember any of them. So he just decides to let it go and not worry about it. That isn't exactly his forte, especially without the assistance of alcohol, but he's trying.

Earlier in the day, the conversations in the park were fairly casual, but the gathering darkness seems to bring out the flirt in more people than just Jamie. Or maybe it's just the slight anonymity afforded by costumes and face paint. At any rate, there's even more touching going on now, and possibly some hooking up in the darker corners. A lot of people are vlogging again, so Dan steels himself for more non-consensual filming over which he'll have no control.

He winds up sitting on a low wall with a couple of other people whose names he of course can't remember. Phil is standing, facing them, with his fingers hooked into his front pockets and his hands twisted around in a way that looks really uncomfortable but is also just absolutely Phil. The other two people sitting on the wall start talking about how they've just started uni, and Dan gets pulled into their conversation when they learn that he's taking a gap year.

Phil says, "I want to go say hi to somebody. Be right back, okay?" and what is Dan supposed to say to that? "Please don't leave me"? So he just smiles and nods and tries to focus on whatever the girl beside him is saying about keeping in touch with friends back home. He's a big boy—he doesn't need Phil to babysit him.

Then some guy wearing black face paint sits on Dan's lap. He doesn't ask or anything, just sits down and turns to smile at Dan. "Danisnotonfire, right?" he asks. Dan nods, wondering if under the face paint is a person he met earlier in the day. "Yeah, I've seen your videos. I'd probably have a lot more subscribers if I looked like you." It's said without rancor, but still makes Dan uncomfortable. He's used to people on Dailybooth saying things about how he looks, and he's even started having fun with it, but he isn't used to people being so blunt in real life. First Jamie, now this guy. And who just walks up and sits on someone's lap like that? First all the hugging, now this. These people seem to have no sense of personal space.

A girl also wearing black face paint comes over and sits on the guy's lap. So now Dan has two people sitting on him, one on top of the other. And the person next to him is pressed so close against his side that when a guy wearing scary clown face paint plops down on her lap, he's half on top of Dan at the same time. It's all feeling pretty claustrophobic, especially since he doesn't actually know any of these people and all he really wanted today was to spend time with Phil, and now he doesn't even know where Phil is. He looks around, but the park doesn't really have many lights to speak of and he can't see him anywhere.

The girl beside him continues prattling about uni, and he nods and pretends that he's paying attention, when really he's just trying to figure out some excuse to help him extricate himself from this physically and emotionally uncomfortable situation. Maybe a convincing lie? Maybe even an unconvincing one? Just … anything? Someone walks by with a video camera, vlogging with a bright light, and Dan glances at them awkwardly. Somebody's going to have footage of him with weird people sitting on him while he's dressed like a bear. Fantastic. When the vlogger lingers, keeping their camera pointed in Dan's direction for what feels like ages, Dan does his weird winking thing that he does sometimes when he's feeling uncomfortable. So now somebody's going to have footage of him winking like a weirdo while dressed like a bear with people sitting on him. Yay.

Maybe someday he'll make a video about his nervous winking tic. It could be funny, right? It doesn't feel funny right now—he feels like a freak, and he feels abandoned—but he could probably write it to be funny.

He tunes out the uni girl and the people on his lap and starts sort of writing the video in his head. It's calming.

"Having fun?" It's Phil's voice. Thank god! Dan practically shoves people off of him, smiling and laughing like it's just a good joke, so he can stand and walk to Phil.

"Why did you leave me alone like that?" he hisses in Phil's ear.

Phil looks taken aback. He touches Dan's arm and pulls him away from the little group sitting on the wall. "You were talking with some people your own age. I figured … maybe you might like to make friends without … you know … some older guy hanging around."

Dan rolls his eyes. "Jesus, Phil! You're not 'some older guy' … and I'd much rather talk to you than anybody else here."

Phil shrugs one shoulder, looking down. "I didn't want to be creepy … hanging around and watching you talk to kids your own age. I wanted to let you do your own thing."

"If," Dan enunciates quietly, "you were letting me 'do my own thing,' we'd be wearing a lot less clothes and there wouldn't be so many other people around." It's a daring thing to say, but he's feeling testy and it makes him brave.

Phil smirks a little, but then looks at him with concern. "So … you haven't been having a good time?"

Dan sighs. "It was nice to meet people, but … it's just a **lot** of people … and it's been **all** day … and I'm kind of overwhelmed. I'd really rather be somewhere alone with you now." He hates how small and vulnerable his voice sounds when he asks, "Can we do that?"

Phil nods. "Let me just talk to Tom. Maybe he can just give us the key to his place."

Dan can feel his shoulders drop an inch or two in relief. They're going to get out of here and go somewhere quiet and private, and he'll finally be able to really relax for the first time in hours.

Then it occurs to him that he might finally have the opportunity to do some of the things they've been discussing on Skype, and then he's not quite as relaxed anymore. But it's a **good** kind of not-relaxed.

He's very not-relaxed the whole way on the Tube to Phil's friend's place, excitement and nervousness thrumming through his veins in a complicated mixture. Phil isn't talking much, and neither is Dan, and there's a definite tension between them. He knows Phil is probably thinking about those Skype calls, just like he is, and wondering what's going to happen when they get to that guest room.

Phil clears his throat as they unlock the door to the apartment. "Tom said he's going out to the pub with some of the others when the party breaks up, so he won't be home for a couple hours. He said to just leave the key under the mat."

A couple hours. They have the place to themselves, with no one to hear them. Dan remembers how loud he was last time. He isn't usually loud during sex, or at least he never was before, but he was pretty sure he had been with Phil that time on the sofa.

He wonders if Phil is loud.

He wonders if he's going to find out tonight. He hopes he is. But he's nervous, too.

Phil turns on the light in the living room and locks the door behind them, leaving the key for Tom as instructed. They stand, silent and hesitant, on the beige carpet of the entryway, and Dan looks down at his feet, not really able to make eye contact right now. It feels like they're on the cusp of something.

Phil coughs, then shifts from one foot to the other. "Um … did you want to … uh … watch some tv or something? Or are you tired from today?" Dan glances up at him and sees that Phil looks nervous, too. It gives him a bit more courage.

"I'm not tired," he says, meeting Phil's eyes, "but I'm ready to go to bed."

Phil's eyes widen slightly and he nods, "Yeah. Sure. Of course. I mean … yeah."

Dan giggles at Phil's fumbling response. "It's not like we haven't shared a bed before," he points out. "Though I'd kind of like it if we … did more … this time." He blushes and ducks his head.

Phil says, "Could I hug you right now? Because I'd feel a lot better if I could hug you right now. I'd be less nervous."

Dan moves into his arms and rests his head against Phil's shoulder as they hold each other. "Why are you nervous?" Dan asks, surprised.

"I don't want to push you into anything. I'm afraid I'll scare you off." He sounds sad or frightened or something. Dan isn't quite sure, but he doesn't want Phil to sound like that.

He pulls back so he can see Phil's beautiful blue eyes gazing earnestly at him and says, "You won't scare me off. We'll talk our way through it, just like we always do with other stuff. Okay?"

Phil nods, then hunches his shoulders a bit, looking embarrassed. "I'm sorry I kind of jumped on you at the train station. I was pretty excited to see you again."

"Don't apologize! I'm glad you jumped me. I wanted to jump you, too, but I was too nervous and probably would have chickened out. You don't have to always wait for me to make the first move, you know."

Dan glances around the apartment, then asks shyly, "So where is this infamous guest room?" Phil laughs and they walk together down a hallway to a room with an open door. Inside, there's a queen-sized bed. There's probably other stuff, too, but all Dan can see is the bed.

Phil takes his hand and asks gently, "What makes **you** nervous? Is it because I'm a guy?"

Dan thinks, then tries to explain. "Maybe, partly, yeah. But that isn't the biggest part. I mean, I've never been with a guy, but I **have** had sex before … but it's like … I thought I was in love with her … but this feels … I don't know. I guess I'm wondering if I was really in love with her, you know? Because this is so much … more. So it feels … scarier. Like it matters more." He squeezes Phil's hand slightly, and Phil squeezes back.

"What do you want to do?" Phil asks, looking into his eyes. "What would make you less nervous?"

Dan isn't sure. But he wants to try. "Maybe if we get in bed together and just talk for a while? Like on Skype?"

"Okay. Um … boxers?" Phil looks uncertain, and Dan wants this to be easier. He nods, and they close the bedroom door before they both awkwardly undress to their underwear and climb into the bed.

Dan turns toward Phil and sees his head lying on the pillow beside him, looking at him, just like when they were at his house. Dan's imagined it so many times since then, and now Phil is really here. Phil asks, "What do you want to talk about?"

Dan's brain decides to choose that moment to freeze. He wants to say something, but he doesn't know what. His voice squeaks a little when he says, "Just … like we talk on Skype. About … everything." He feels humiliated by his sudden failure of confidence.

Phil is quiet for a while, then says hesitantly, "Did you know … I usually wank after we get off Skype." He chuckles a little. "Heh. I get off after we get off." He looks a little embarrassed.

Dan feels better, hearing that, and admits, "I usually do, too. The stuff we talk about gets me pretty excited." Then he gets up the nerve to say, "I've been really tempted to … you know … do that … while we were talking. But I felt too nervous."

Phil closes his eyes for a moment, then meets Dan's gaze with eyes that have gone dark and intense. "I'd like to do that sometime. I'd like to watch you while I touch myself."

Groaning, Dan shifts closer to Phil and kisses him eagerly, pressing up against him and trying to show him how he's feeling without words.

He pulls his mouth away just far enough to be able to speak against Phil's lips. "Will you tell me … what you think about … when you do it?" A shiver of excitement runs through him.

Phil's voice is low when he replies, "Sometimes I think about that morning on the sofa, and your face, and how you sounded. You were so sexy when you came." He runs a hand along Dan's arm, down to his hand, linking their fingers again. "And I think about making you come, about sucking you until you come in my mouth." He glances up to meet Dan's eyes again.

"Oh god…" Dan is trembling continuously now. He kisses Phil again, and Phil's lips are hot and wet and Dan can't help thinking about what he just said, imagining it. He really wants more than last time, but he isn't sure how much he's ready for.

"Would it be okay if I just … with my hand? Is it okay if I touch you?" He can hear the vulnerability in his own voice, and he hates it. He wants to be more confident about this, but at the same time he knows he's safe with Phil, that Phil won't laugh at him or reject him.

Phil reacts immediately, his voice a rough exhalation. "God yes! Anything you want, Dan."

Pulling away slightly so that he can get his hand between them, Dan strokes a hand down Phil's chest. They hadn't really explored each other's bodies very thoroughly last time, since Dan hadn't felt ready to let hands get too involved yet. But now he's enjoying the crisp feel of Phil's chest hair and the smoothness of his skin. He doesn't have abs of steel, which makes Dan feel better, because he doesn't have a perfect body either.

He slowly strokes his hand further down and lightly runs his fingers over the bulge in Phil's boxers. Phil makes a small noise in his throat and pushes into Dan's hand a little bit, just a tiny thrust, and Dan smiles to himself at the positive reaction. He's never touched anyone else's dick before, but it isn't that different from his own, so he can imagine how Phil is feeling.

"Want to … um … we could take our pants off, if you want," he suggests nervously.

Phil looks at him, considering. "Is that what **you** want?"

Dan nods, blushing. "Yeah, I want to be able to feel you."

They both struggle to remove their underwear beneath the covers, then toss them onto the floor. But maybe Dan isn't quite ready for all of this to be quite so … visible … not quite yet. "Can we turn off the light?"

Phil nods and switches off the lamp beside the bed. "Whatever makes you comfortable. I don't want to do anything you don't want to do."

Dan's a little tired of hearing Phil be so careful with him. He isn't made of glass, and he isn't going to break. So, yeah, he may be a little nervous, but he's determined to work through it. He moves closer to Phil again under the blankets and reaches out a hand to rest on Phil's hip, stroking along the line of it, feeling the bone and muscle. Then he slides his hand down and the back of his fingers touch Phil's cock. It's hard already, thank god. If Phil wasn't excited by all this Dan would be mortified. He himself has been hard since they were on the fucking Tube, for god's sake.

His hand is shaking as he wraps his fingers around Phil's hard flesh, and he wills himself to calm the fuck down.

"You okay?" Phil rasps in the darkness. Dan just nods, assuming Phil will hear his head move against the pillow, and then his hand tightens, wringing a groan from Phil. He strokes slowly at first, the foreskin sliding smoothly as he goes. He's getting used to the feel of Phil in his hand, noting the slight movements of his body in response to Dan touching various areas. He squeezes, and Phil's cock bobs violently in his hand.

Dan's breathing is a little unsteady when he says, "You can … you can touch me, too. If you want."

Phil pants, "Oh, I want. I definitely want."

And then Phil's hand is on him, and it feels so much better than anything he did with anyone else before this, it feels like the best thing ever, and Dan is afraid he's going to come far too quickly. He bites his lip and tries to relax, tries to slow his racing heart.

But then Phil shoots that all to hell by asking, "Would it be too much … I'd really like to suck you but I don't want to freak you out…"

Dan isn't freaked out, but he doesn't really know what to say, because he's always gotten the impression that wasn't something people liked to do in real life, that it was more of a porn thing. "Um … I've never done that. My … she … didn't want to. But … if you want to…"

"Yeah. I really **really** want to, Dan. If it doesn't make you uncomfortable. I don't want to push you into anything…" Phil sounds like he's going to talk himself out of it if Dan doesn't speak up quickly.

Dan hears his voice waver a bit as he says, "It … it doesn't make me uncomfortable. I mean, as long as you're sure."

Phil's voice in the dark is low and gravelly when he responds, "I've been fantasizing about it for months."

"Okay," Dan says, and then feels Phil shift beneath the bedclothes. Phil's hand finds him again and that feels just amazing, no pun intended, but then Phil shifts again and there is wet and heat and suction and Dan is gasping and moaning and there's just no way he can control himself. Almost immediately, his whole body is tensing, every muscle tight as he tries to fight it off. But he knows he can't. "I'm sorry," he pants. "I can't … I'm going to…" and then his eyes roll back in his head as his body arches off the bed and he is coming and coming, right into Phil's mouth, and Phil is continuing to suck him through the whole thing, swallowing as if it isn't gross at all, not like the girls at school said it was. Dan thinks maybe he's shouting, but there's a ringing in his ears so he isn't sure. He just knows this is the best thing he's ever felt in his entire life. As he begins to come down, Phil's sucking becomes gentler, then stops altogether, though he continues to just hold Dan's cock in his mouth for a moment before sliding off and moving through the bedclothes to reappear, and Dan's eyes have adjusted to the darkness enough that he can see the shape of Phil's head lying on the pillow beside him again.

"Okay?" Phil asks softly.

"Very okay," Dan pants. "Very very okay." It takes him a couple minutes to recover, but when he does he realizes that he should really return the favor. He left Phil high and dry last time, and he doesn't want to do it again, but he isn't sure he's ready for … all that.

He feels young and inexperienced and embarrassed as he stammers, "I want to … I don't know … but I'm not really ready to…"

"Just touch me again?" Phil pleads. "God, it isn't going to take long." He sounds desperate.

Dan leans in to kiss Phil again as he reaches down with his hand to grasp his straining cock. He tastes his own come in Phil's mouth, but that's okay, it doesn't slow the passion of his lips and tongue as he makes love to Phil in the ways he feels comfortable with right now.

His hand beneath the bedclothes begins to move faster when he hears Phil's breath speed up. He's trying to read what Phil wants based on how he's reacting, so he just does what feels good when he's wanking himself and hopes that he's not terrible at it. Phil seems to be enjoying it, if the sounds he's making are any indication, and his cock is growing harder and thicker in Dan's hand. He knows what that means, and speeds his movements, making sure to run his hand over the head at the top of each stroke. Phil is writhing now, his head tossing back and forth on the pillow, his soft moans becoming almost constant, and then he stiffens and goes completely silent, as if he's holding his breath, and Dan feels Phil's cock pulsing in his hand, feels the wetness on his fingers. He continues slowly stroking the shaft as it continues to pulse, not touching the head anymore since he knows he becomes too sensitive there once he's come. Based on the enthusiasm of Phil's reaction, he figures his extensive experience with wanking has finally become a useful life skill.

When Phil begins to soften in his hand, Dan gently lets him go, then holds his hand out awkwardly under the bedclothes, not sure what to do with his come-covered fingers. And Phil is probably covered in come, too, but he's just lying there on his back, breathing heavily. Dan makes an executive decision and climbs out of the bed to try to locate his boxers on the floor. It's a little difficult in the dark in a strange room, but eventually he finds them and uses them to wipe his hand, then climbs back into the bed and lifts the bedclothes to gently clean Phil's belly and cock as well as he can without being able to see what he's doing. Phil just lies there and lets him do it, twitching slightly when Dan wipes his cock. It makes Dan feel good to be the less passive one for once, taking care of Phil like Phil always takes care of him. When he's done, he tosses the sticky boxers back onto the floor and cuddles up to Phil's side.

"Was that … all right?" Dan asks, but he's pretty sure he already knows the answer to that question. Phil seems utterly fucked out.

"Very very all right," Phil replies breathlessly, then rolls to his side to face him and puts an arm around Dan, kissing him again, softer now, slower. He pulls away a bit and whispers, "I love you, you know."

Dan snuggles into him and whispers back, "I know. I love you, too." He presses a kiss to Phil's chin on accident when he'd been aiming for his lips in the dark. But kissing Phil's chin is okay, too. Kissing any part of Phil is good. His mind stutters over that, then starts moving again. Maybe eventually he'll be ready to kiss other parts of Phil, but he's glad that what they did tonight seems to have been enough to make Phil happy.

"I don't deserve you," he says on a breath, not certain if he wants Phil to hear or not.

Phil's arm tightens around him, pulling him even closer. "You deserve to be happy. And if you're happy with me, then I'm the luckiest guy in the entire universe."

Dan closes his eyes and feels the warmth of Phil's body against his, breathes in the smell of his skin, pays attention to the strength of his arm holding him close, and tries to store up this feeling for the days when they're apart. He isn't aware when he starts to slip toward sleep, but eventually he loses the battle and falls into a dreamless slumber.

Tomorrow will come, and they will have to take their separate trains to their homes that are so far from each other, but there will be Skype, and there will be November 6th. The train tickets are already sitting on Dan's desk at home. In less than a week, he'll be in Phil's arms again. He'll remind himself of that tomorrow when he tastes tears in their goodbye kisses.

Less than a week.

Less than a week.

It might feel like forever, but it's less than a week.

He can do this.


	7. Prequel: The Trouble with Labels

**Author's Note:** This is actually a prequel to the Creeper series, so it falls chronologically before the first Creeper chapter. Sorry if that's confusing. I've been writing additional fics in this series sort of spontaneously on Tumblr (where I am "adorkablephil"), so they haven't always been posted in order. I'm trying to make the order as clear as possible. This "chapter" (it was written as an individual fic that could be read separately from the series, though it was imagined as part of the same "universe") is set entirely before Dan and Phil met in October 2009.

* * *

 **The Trouble with Labels**

If the username hadn't been so simultaneously catchy and stupid, Phil wouldn't even have noticed right away. But it was memorable enough for him to notice that the same person had started commenting on all of his videos, sometimes even commenting more than once on the same video. And they'd been going back and commenting on all his old ones, too. **All** of them.

He was no stranger to obsessive fans. Weird as it seemed to him, some people just apparently had nothing better to do with their lives than fixate on nerdy weirdos who put videos up on the internet. He knew it was just part of putting himself out in public like that, but he would never understand why some people got so obsessed with him, of all people! With someone like PJ, it made sense—half his subscribers probably watched his videos with the sound off, just to get to see someone so beautiful. But Phil wasn't anything special, and he knew he was weird, but he was completely 100% comfortable with that about himself. It just surprised him that so many people apparently found it obsession-worthy.

So when this name "danisnotonfire" started popping up in all his comment notifications, he just shrugged to himself. It was actually pretty flattering when somebody went back to watch and comment on old videos when they first discovered his channel, so he didn't mind that, but … leaving multiple comments on a single video was edging a bit into creeper territory.

And then the same username showed up on Twitter, commenting on his tweets. As in, **all** of his tweets. Every single one. And, again, sometimes more than one comment on a single tweet.

 _Definite creeper,_ he thought to himself. _Probably one of those people who send me hair through the post._

But then some of the comments were actually kind of clever, kind of funny, and he found himself sort of watching for them. And when he actually responded to one of danisnotonfire's responses to one of his tweets, it started a sort of conversation that he hadn't intended, a conversation that extended across multiple tweets, and he started to actually kind of like this guy. Because it was apparently a guy, if the user icon was anything to go by. A fairly **cute** guy, actually. And Phil didn't even try to lie to himself about the role that fact played in his increasing encouragement of their interaction.

The day he decided to actually look at danisnotonfire's Twitter page, he was a bit horrified to discover that he'd apparently been lightly flirting, and if he was honest with himself becoming a bit infatuated, with a 17-year-old kid. Now **he** was the one who felt like a creeper, chatting up innocent children on the internet, taking advantage of a young person's obsession with him to reel them into a closer relationship.

He resolved to cool off his interactions with Dan, because that was apparently the kid's real name. But that lasted about a day. Then Dan tweeted something interesting, and Phil hadn't stopped following him, so he saw it, and he wanted to comment. He held off for about an hour, then decided that there was nothing wrong with tweeting. He could be friendly with this Dan kid on Twitter and it didn't have to be anything more sinister than that. He enjoyed being friends with him. Where was the harm?

Then Dan got a Dailybooth account and started posting photos.

Well, hell.

The kid was gorgeous. And now when Phil saw his tweets, he couldn't help attaching an angelic face to the words he was reading. And though Phil had resolved to stop flirting, it was obvious that he had created a monster with his earlier encouragement, because Dan baited him constantly. And Phil couldn't help taking the bait. So they flirted. A lot.

That wasn't so bad, right? It was just Twitter. It didn't mean anything. He wasn't corrupting the innocent youth of England. He wasn't that type of person.

But Dan was just so … interesting! And smart! And funny!

And those Dailybooth photos…

When he hit 100 followers on Dailybooth, Dan posted two photos of himself apparently naked, surrounded by several stuffed animals, some of which were strategically placed to preserve his modesty.

Phil looked at those photos a lot. And not just for the obvious reason. Sure, Dan was beautiful, and he was showing a lot of skin, and his facial expression said he was just begging to be ravished. But what really made Phil fall hopelessly in love with this adorable kid was the fact that he apparently owned that many stuffed animals.

Maybe that should have made him see Dan as more childish, but instead it made him feel like they had even more in common than he'd realized before, because the way Dan was using the stuffed animals showed a combination of innocence and cheeky sense of humor that Phil couldn't help but love.

The day Dan sent him a DM asking if he wanted to Skype sometime, Phil hesitated. Was this edging into creeper territory? Skyping with a teenage kid? At least Dan had turned 18 by now, so it didn't seem **quite** as bad, but Phil still wasn't sure if he should be encouraging this relationship to become even more intimate.

Who was he kidding? He was lost.

The first time they Skyped to each other, Phil was struck by how mature Dan was for his age. He didn't just talk about school and video games and his friends and his girlfriend. (Phil was shocked by that last one, but figured that it was even better evidence that this wasn't creepy—Dan couldn't be interested in Phil like that if he had a girlfriend, right? He told himself he wasn't disappointed, but knew it was a total lie.) Dan also talked about creative ideas he'd been contemplating, and they were good ideas. Phil told him he should definitely pursue them. Dan wanted to make videos, but didn't think he was talented enough; Phil told him his ideas were worth working on, and that he'd help if Dan had any questions.

And Dan talked about deeper issues, too … about questioning his place in the world and what he wanted for the future, not just for himself but for society. He talked about important issues, the kind of philosophical things Phil didn't tend to think about much but which kept him listening raptly to every word that came out of Dan's incredibly kissable mouth.

He did **not** think that. Dan's mouth **wasn't** kissable. Well, yes, of course it was kissable. He had a girlfriend, and she probably kissed it all the time. And why did that thought put a knot in his stomach?

Dan was flirty on Skype, too, and Phil let himself flirt back because it was obviously completely innocent if Dan had a girlfriend. They were just joking around. They weren't doing anything wrong. **Phil** wasn't doing anything wrong. Right?

They started Skyping frequently, and Phil looked forward to it more than he should. It seemed ironic now that he'd started out feeling like a creeper taking advantage of a young fan who had obsessively misplaced feelings for him, because now he was pretty sure he was the one with the unrequited feelings. Dan must flirt like this with everyone, right? It didn't mean anything to him, not when he was already in a relationship. And was possibly straight, since his only real relationship had been with a girl.

Dan's Dailybooth photos became increasingly provocative as he became more confident. He posed and preened and lowered his eyelids to half-mast, obviously relishing the enthusiastic response he got to these kinds of pics.

Surely Dan knew … everybody knew … Dailybooth wasn't used purely for innocent purposes. Especially when Dan had posted some pictures of himself fully naked with only one particularly intriguing body part actually hidden.

So since Dan obviously **knew** that … there wasn't anything wrong with what Phil did, right? He knew that he and Dan were just friends, that their flirting was completely innocent and all in jest. There wasn't anything wrong with … well … masturbating … to pictures of your friend … right? If your friend happened to be phenomenally hot and had a girlfriend and you weren't going to actually try to have sex with him or anything. Just … there's nothing wrong with fantasies, right? And using publicly posted photos to aid in those fantasies?

Yeah, Phil couldn't really convince himself, either.

And so he felt guilty every time he did it. He was definitely the creeper now, and it started to make him feel gross and perverted every time he talked with Dan. He'd look at that beautiful, innocent, smiling face, with those almond-shaped eyes and those adorable dimples and those soft lips, and he'd remember what he'd done and feel ashamed. But it never stopped him from doing it again. He couldn't help it.

To be honest, he didn't want to stop. It was too good.

He just hoped Dan never found out. Of course, there was no way he ever **could** find out. What Phil did in the privacy of his own bedroom in front of his own computer was no one else's business. And no one else needed to know about it. **Ever**. But he harbored an intense, irrational fear that someday Dan **would** find out. And then their friendship, with all its joking flirtatious banter, would be over.

And then came the night Dan DM'd him with a desperate request to Skype. And the minute Phil saw his face on the screen he knew something terrible had happened, because he'd never seen Dan cry before, but he was seeing it now, and he wished he wasn't. It broke his heart.

"Dan! What's wrong?" he asked immediately, pressing a hand to his laptop screen as if he could somehow reach out to Dan physically despite the hundreds of miles between them.

Dan wiped at his eyes and tried to smile, but it looked sickly. "We broke up," he said.

And that's when Phil hit his all-time low as a person, that's when he really showed his true colors, because he was **happy**. Dan was crying and heartbroken, and Phil was selfishly happy that his girlfriend had broken up with him. It was unimaginable how anyone could break up with Dan, but the unimaginable had apparently happened. It didn't mean Dan would ever be interested in **Phil** , in anything more than their casually amusing online flirtation, but it still made Phil happy. And that made him disgusted with himself. The combination of emotions made him a little queasy.

"What happened?" he asked, trying to be a good friend, trying to hide his own roiling emotions and just be supportive when someone he cared about was suffering. Now was not the time to be thinking about himself.

Dan looked at him with those dark, limpid eyes, and said simply, "I couldn't keep dating her when I'm more interested in someone else."

Phil froze. What were they talking about here? He'd accepted a long time ago that Dan wasn't honestly interested in him. Maybe Dan was talking about someone else? Someone IRL? Another girl?

Phil cleared his throat. Then he nervously adjusted his fringe. Then he asked, "Who are you interested in?"

Dan laughed through his tears. "Seriously?"

Phil nodded, shrugging awkwardly, but couldn't make any more words come out of his mouth. He felt scared suddenly. This couldn't be what it sounded like. He didn't want to make a fool of himself and maybe destroy a friendship that had become pretty important to him.

Dan rubbed at his eyes, then stared hard at Phil from the computer screen. " **You** , Phil. I'm interested in **you**." He looked away from the computer and said in a quiet voice, "I thought you were interested in me, too." And now the boy on the screen looked small and hurt and lost, and Phil hated himself even more.

Phil just gaped for a moment, then caught sight of himself in the corner of the screen and realized he looked utterly ridiculous, like a gasping fish or something, and closed his mouth with a snap. "I … I thought you were just … joking," he stammered.

Dan's eyes filled with tears again. "So you aren't actually interested in me that way?"

"No!" Phil exclaimed, and Dan obviously misunderstood, because he started nodding dejectedly. "I mean yes!" Phil shouted. His parents were going to complain about him making so much noise in the middle of the night, but he didn't care right now. " **Yes** ," he said more quietly, but his voice was firm and he tried to keep it steady. "I am! Interested. In you. That way."

"Really?" Dan asked, a tentative smile starting to curve his lips, very much at odds with his red and swollen eyes.

"Really," Phil affirmed, and he could feel a smile starting to spread on his own face as well.

"Oh," Dan said, and ducked his head shyly. It was the cutest thing Phil had ever seen.

"Yeah," Phil said, trying to contain the shock and joy and confusion that were spreading through him like wildfire. Trying to sound like a sane person who was maybe on the verge of starting a new relationship with somebody he really really liked.

"What do we do now?" Dan asked, and he sounded vulnerable, and all Phil wanted to do was hold him and protect him and take care of him forever.

"Be happy?" Phil suggested, and it made them both laugh. But Phil thought it sounded like the best plan ever.


End file.
